It’s not that posh, you can wear green trousers!

I wanted to add a new spice to my weekly musings in the run up to Christmas. Including this one, there are only 3 more weeks until my very special and much hyped #ItsAOnein400Xmas post!

So between now and then, and culminating on the 25th I wanted to add some important life lessons. Continuing on from my life rules, I thought I would talk about lessons learned. You know the sort of thing “Over the years I have learnt to.. “   These are not principles, but things you just have to experience before realising are actually true. The top one will be revealed on the 25th December. I have a whole load, but today a few random ones amongst my ramblings. Then on the countdown to Xmas, the top 3.

So what about the green trousers Lee?

Actually, this is rather unrelated, but we were recently in a restaurant where I thought they were very fussy about dress code. But I did notice that they let a man in with bright green trousers! And there I was worried about my brown shoes! He just didn’t care! Trust me, green trousers on a man is a no go. I tried yellow once when I was at University, and I looked a right pillock!

On the subject of shoes. With my walking issues, I find that walking boots are by far the most comfortable and safe. I now need to acquire some form of cross over shoe. A shoe with the elegance of Prada, but the practicality of a Wellington boot!

This week started off with a brunch in Goodwood on Sunday with some friends and our dogs.

Goodwood allow dogs into their carpeted bar area, and members are normally very vigilant. This week we wandered in, and Jean took the dogs for a quick walk before bringing them into the bar. So whilst Jean was out with the dogs, I sat down. I then noticed the largest dog poo you had ever seen. Dog owners, huh!!! I reported it and suitable “don’t step this way” signs were placed. I quickly slurred to the other members “Our dogs didn’t do that, and nor did I”!

How’s your Christmas shopping going? I am now an addict. Online shopping is like a drug. First there was the “one click shopping” and now I have been caught by the “buy it again” button!!

We bought a present for someone, and when it arrived  Jean said, “I would like one of these”. I just couldn’t help it, click!!!

What’s next in online shopping?

“We thought you might like this and have taken the darn right liberty of charging your credit card and it will be with you in 1 day – AUTOMATIC ORDER”

I now sit by the front door waiting for that knock and the precise 2.5 second wait before the “you were not at home card” is dropped through the door. I am coming as fast I can for **** sake! Wait! Liars I am here, come back, you ********.

I was at my weekly soft tissue massage on Tuesday, where I was reminded of the old adage, “No pain No gain”! Thanks Liney! I always feel great after the poking and bruising! Liney reminded me that even though it was grim weather I need to keep up my daily walks. To enforce this, I was told to buy a fitbit (one of those modern-day pedometers). Apparently she will monitor my steps!

Being that I am a creative kind, I thought, hey surely I can make one of these. What is it, other than a bit of wifi technology and movement detection? I thought I’d adapt one of my electronic projects…

Here is my prototype…

As you can see it’s wrist mounted.

Now, I just need to attach the rotating gyroscopic movement measuring leg brace!

URGENT POST INTERRUPT!!!!!!!

Our dogs have just politely informed me that some one is at the front door! Is it Amazon?

Damm, it was those people who visit in pairs and say sorry for disturbing you! For my American friends, you may have similar visitors wandering the streets trying to impose their views on innocent victims. Actually, I just read on the Interweb, and apparently you do. So hopefully you will empathise with my ramblings.

Reminds me of the time (this is a 100% true story), when the door bell rang on a Sunday and I was presented with the sight of a Man in a suit with a clipboard, and a young couple with a baby in arms! I was painting at the time, so I was bit annoyed about being interrupted.

I let rip with words to the effect “It’s a Sunday, you’re not welcome here, you freaks!”

….Only to be told he was an estate agent and that the young couple wanted to ask a question about our house as they were interested in our Neighbour’s house which was up for sale at the time!!!! I wanted the floor to open up and eat me!

The lesson learned here is “don’t be too hasty”. Needless to say, they didn’t move in. I guess not wanting a lunatic, wielding a bottle of white spirit, as a neighbour may have influenced them. However, readers it was still an unexpected sight!

Anyway, I reacted more calmly today. I now use just a delicate eye movement to show my extreme displeasure. The same could not be said of Poppy, seen here resting following her chasing off said offenders (look at her stare).

BACK TO THE POST and the fitbit.

“OK Jean, I have ordered a real one”  Mark my words, mine would be reliable, if not perhaps the right colour and size!

My final lesson learned today is “Actions speak louder than words”. I am a strong believer of this one in all walks of life.

I mean, I was getting quite bored with my local Co-op shop layout, and could have asked them to change it. However, as you know readers I recently destroyed a section of it! Ironically last week, it was shut for 3 days for refitting! It now has a much better layout. I guess they felt threatened and thought they’d better improve it, or else I would go for the Vegetable display or worse the feminine hygiene rack!

It’s been a bit windy this week here. Being that a gust is going to blow me into an oncoming pedestrian, I am taking great care getting around.

If Ranulph Fiennes thinks walking to the South Pole is tough, he should try my walk back from the Village store carrying tins of beans in a 5 pence thin plastic bag! One of the skills I have learnt is if I drop anything, I must let it go. Any rapid movement to catch it can be deadly!

Fortunately I got the provisions and new breakfast cereal back.

I couldn’t choose between the 2, so got both. Loving this high calorie, high fat diet!

Ok readers I’ve got to go for a walk, the path looks clear, I’m off. See you next week.

I know I promised you a serious post this week, but I thought I’d better write a normal one as well. I do have a serious one for you, but it needs careful editing. It should be out on Monday.