That’s easy for you to say!

Afternoon all. Last weekend didn’t start that well. I was walking down to our garden when my foot snagged on our garden hose pipe. The result; my first fall since the Co-op incident, or as I like to call it, Destruction Alley! Jean revealed later that she did think twice about leaving the hose pipe there!

All was well, but funnily enough Lord Bragg did exactly the same thing a few minutes later, the fool! I managed to photograph that incident.

A timely reminder of how bad smoking is for you, Bragg!

I spent much of Sunday with my mate, Jon, discussing our MND Charity gig at the Robin Hood Inn on the 4th June. We made final arrangements and had a wonderful afternoon in the sun, drinking and eating with friends.

I wanted to check if the manager was happy with the barmaids (sorry, bar staff) wearing MNDA T-Shirts. All was good, but I stupidly delegated the task of finding out their sizes to Lord Lee Bragg! “Ask” I said, “not measure!”

After a small incident, and use of the first aid kit (it’s good that the location has one for the event), Lord Bragg told me to order Medium sized T-Shirts.

We discussed a no-change for drinks policy on the night to squeeze as much money out of the punters as possible, but we are settling for a raffle and potentially an auction instead. We have received some fantastic donations and I will reveal these ahead of time to get you excited! Certainly for the price of a couple of rows of raffle tickets you could win a very nice prize as well as support the MND Association.

Apparently for legal reasons I have to charge the same price for all tickets on the night. However, if I decide I know you, you will be encouraged to buy 3 or 4 strips, or else!

I was thinking of putting Lord Bragg in charge of the raffle, but I just found out he is still on parole for his 1970 Cloak Room ticket scam. In typical Bragg-style he took coats at a night club, in exchange for cloakroom tickets, for what later emerged actually to be raffle tickets! These were then valid in a draw to win a coat in the restaurant next door! So I think we will get someone less unscrupulous to run the raffle

We went to out to dinner on Friday night to the Kennels at Goodwood. It’s a great place, and a wonderful location, overlooking the estate. The front entrance is on the main Goodwood Straight, which can be a fast road. The disabled parking is on the other side of this road! I survived both trips (pardon the pun), but I could see myself like a splattered deer if I wasn’t as focused.

Actually that reminds me of a story I read in the “Money” section of the Sunday Times once (For my worldwide readers, the Sunday Times is the establishment newspaper in the UK). You know the sort of thing, readers’ complaint letters. There is a section in which people write in regarding tricky financial issues, and there was this one story about a man’s dispute with his car insurance company. He had unfortunately hit a deer, which had bounced off his bonnet, and then straight through his windscreen (windshield). As the deer flew past him into the back seat, it exploded! The result was, well a mess. Choking on my cornflakes, I read on. Unbelievably the car insurance company paid for the car repair, but only agreed to a steam clean of the cloth seats! He was not happy, as you would imagine. Anyway, the paper got involved and the insurance company replaced the seats. The story is a good example of what none of us should tolerate, “wriggling out”. A lot of people just accept what they are told. Don’t, always challenge. Generally with insurance issues, if you are in the right, a simple threat “I will write to the independent adjudicator” will be enough to resolve. Hey that’s onein400’s handy tip for the week.

In next week’s post, I will provide some tips, and specifically on the serious subject of Will making. It affects us all, and I will cover some things all of us need to know and act upon.

Continuing on this slightly morbid note, I was out driving this week and I had some great music on. Keeping to the speed limit obviously, much fun was had. In fact one of the songs I thought is good enough to be played at my funeral! “Jeesh Lee I hear you say!”. Well we should all plan such music, otherwise think about what might happen………………

You might suddenly pop off your mortal coil and disastrously the choosing of your funeral music is left to someone else! Such lack of foresight could lead to you getting a cover version of Silver Dream Machine, by a David Essex sound-alike, from the monthly produced albums in the late 1960’s, 70’s and 80’s.

Top of the Pops cover album – April 1980 – These Compilations were put together so quickly that mistakes were made – Silver Dream Machine was named Silver Dream Racer!

These were interesting days. No worrying about political correctness then. If I wanted music and a naughty mag, I just bought a Top of the Pops cheap cover album! Thank you MFP and Hallmark.

In the news this week, I was delighted to see that both our Monarch and Prime Minister have signalled the end of political correctness with their caught on camera scenes and comments regarding certain countries. Ma’am I am really proud of you. Now what do you want done with the people that leaked the video? —– “Err, OK.. I am not sure that is even legal in certain parts of the world. How about this collar…….”

This thing is an anti bark collar, that is going straight back to the manufacturer. Brutal, yes it is. The prongs have to touch your dog’s skin! Not what was described on the website!

Ring ring – “yes ma’am, you would like 2, both set at 5o00 volts. I will send you a couple for the reporters!”

We continued our busy weekend onto Monday night (a school night) eating out. We were supposed to go to a murder mystery night, but the murderer was sick, so it got cancelled. We went out anyway, as we felt safer!

This week I watched some of the brilliant David Attenborough 90th Birthday programs. I had forgotten how superb his adventures were, but above all his real passion for the subject. He made an interesting comment when communicating with natives in South America. Obviously language was a barrier, but he noted on how jokes could be understood with just eye and facial expressions. With my voice getting worse, particularly at night, I find that other signals are helpful, such as this response to Jean’s question as to whether I would like a Vegetable Kebab on the BBQ.

Same time, same place next week readers. Next week, it’s Lord Bragg’s legal advice!