Hi, readers! Onein300 here! This is my first real post of 2020! Apologies for my relatively long absence. In a time where we are in the midst of a potential worldwide Coronavirus pandemic there has also been the extraordinary revelation that Kim Kardardasian likes to dip her chicken nuggets into honey!
Yes, it’s welcome back once again to onein300 land; a place that, in this evolving reality, is not quite so odd as it was originally perceived. Today, two tales to chill you to the core, along with some abstract stuff!
Life continues in here in my ever changing world. My MND is almost just part of the furniture now and often quite literally! I continue to be very lucky in my slow progression and I keep adapting to my new limits and boundaries.
We have automated a few more household lights with the wonderful Alexa. Just to think that people used to actually bend down to turn light switches off and on! However, I did get really annoyed the other day when I asked her to perform a very straight forward task, very politely, albeit in my poor voice:
”Welexa, weeplace the blown white bulb in the wiving woom”
She wouldn’t do it! Lazy ***.
Like many of you, we are looking forward to the onset of spring here in the Northern Hemisphere, and frankly some very overdue and warming sunshine. Mind you I won’t be doing any Perineum sunning! Have a read about this insane past-time, it’s true, apparently!
Just what makes someone wake up, have their breakfast, perhaps of eggs and bacon, and decide to pop out (pardon my expression) onto their decking and then expose their anus to the sun!? Jeesh, that is a limit for me! I will stick to the vitamin D tablets, taken orally I have you note, and with a nice tonic water with its subtle quinine content. All good for the muscles!
But now, it’s on with two horrific stories of human over belief. Are you ready?
Over belief in one’s abilities is totally rife in this world. We all see it, don’t we? I first recount an event which will chill your cockles!
I recall attending a lecture by the late, great Sir Patrick Moore. Yes folks, he looks quite scary doesn’t he?
Sir Patrick Moore at the South Downs Planetarium / CC BY-SA
For you youngsters, Patrick was the astronomer of our time, from his mapping of the moon used by NASA for the Apollo landings through to the legendary BBC Sky at Night show. He was a momentual intellect which nearly always spilled out in a theatrical performance on television. But in real life, in the flesh so to speak, it was even more staggering to witness. He was ‘old school’ as well, and often spoke his mind.
During one of his lectures, which we had the good fortune to attend in Great Yarmouth, an audience member plucked up the courage (stupidly, as it turned out) to ask a question on the nature of black holes. I can’t remember the precise detail, but it was quite a challenging observation.
Sir Patrick immediately responded, most enthusiastically…..
Err,,,err,,err, great great question, and err. Err. Very weary interwesting
Those who remember Patrick will understand I am trying to put across his famous excited speaking manner. It’s, quite incidentally, how I now actually speak!
He then continued with the following retort:
I can explain, but but but but do you you know your stuff in this area???
Jessh! The questioner perked up and then foolishly extolled “Yes!”. He should have left it!
What followed was an extremely rapid and complex explanation, the subsance of which, no mere mortal could possibly follow, let alone understand! Laughter and admiration was in plentiful supply! The questioner quite possibly did not show his face in public ever again, aside perhaps in a giant chicken suit concealing his identity.
Sticking with the “nutty” professor theme, I do remember the ‘tag’ being politely addressed towards myself many many years ago in my second story of horror…
During sales school, whilst working for a major international software company, I was, if I say so myself, doing darn pretty well. I was heading for a distinction grade, with only the final team/group task to complete! For those not familiar with professional sales training, it is rather like the Apprentice in some respects, involving both group and individual tasks. With hindsight, I should have seen the warning signs of doom and danger! There was after all but one single group task left and I needed only a few points to get that distinction over the line.
Centred on the presentation of a game changing proposal to a company director, played by a real senior executive, the scenario was based on a famous brand name. This significant worldwide household retailer had been floundering in the changing world and a once highly thought of business had become rather left behind, and was in some danger of complete self destruction. Our task was simple – to plan a way out for them. We accepted the challenge.
The leader of our group allocated the presentation tasks to each of us. I was assigned the innovation aspects and was to stand up last to entertain the CEO! A further warning sign, which I missed!
After a rather intense half day of preparation sealed in a room, we agreed, perhaps with some robust discussion, our pitches. I was a tad concerned about our leader’s proposed opening statements, but he was not to be swayed…..
As the session was about to begin, I was still confident in the team achieving the points that “I” needed for my distinction!
All for one and one for all and all that!
I could not have been more wrong!
Our esteemed leader started with his introductory remarks, and then each of us took the floor in turn to cover the different aspects of our solution to save the company! I finally took centre-stage and presented our rather unique, if I say so myself, and creative solution. I thought we had it totally in the bag, until the director, in a brutal Alan Sugar style, debriefed us and the course organiser!
Without any mercy he totally and utterly destroyed the “direction” of the early pitches feeling that our leader had effectively ‘insulted’ his company and had glossed over his entire life’s work and previous personal global reputation! He had actually!
WTF!
I was feeling sick inside as he slowly ripped into each of the 3 presenters before myself! Wishing for the ground to open up, my insides rotating, and why had I thought having the curry for lunch was a good idea, he came to my assessment. His words were..
And now we come to the innovations section,…. yes, Lee. Lee, err,.. You almost, single handedly, saved your teams proposal with your ‘nutty professor’ approach!
Almost was the operative word. Although I was able to stare at my teammates with a refreshing, continuous, smug glow, adjusting my tie as I did so, in a sartorial, “I f***** told you so” manner, our team was only awarded x points. I needed x+1!!
Anyway folks, the lessons that these ghastly tales taught me were very useful and I did not let NOT getting a distinction affect my impending sales career. I wonder where the rest of my team are now though, the twats!!
To wrap today’s lesson up, I end with a story of no-limits.
I obviously now have severe limitations kindly dropped on me by MND. Recently, some new friends invited us to a pub for lunch. They certainly had very few limits, as they not only planned a venue suitable for my capabilities, but they also considered every detail of the trip to perfection, including arriving before we did, and then coming out to assist us. Thank you, new friends! The value of planning cannot be understated, and it meant we had a 100% stress free lunch.
I must go. I have just stocked up on honey in case my next post is written from a viral quarantine centre! Kim is darn right! Chicken nuggets and honey rock!
Keep nutty readers! I will be back next week.
Living with Motor Neurone Disease 