I am a bit of a celebrity in the village currently since last week’s excitement. “Theres that guy who smashed up the shop!” Fame at last! But I know it will fade, and so I need new places to go….. and destroy.
I certainly can’t do the Three Peaks Challenge now (which I have done), or run 6 minute miles any longer. However, a far greater challenge is now staring me in the face, ….Christmas shopping!!!
Big store shopping holds many dangers, and I will never forget my Dad dropping a 5 litre tin of emulsion paint in Fads in Portsmouth when I was young (remember Fads anyone?) Rather messy. Mind you it was proper “Brilliant White”, none of that “Daisy Rabbit White” you get nowadays.
It has become clear in the Millard household that John Lewis are to be this year’s main benefactors of our gift spend (great advert M&S – but not my favourite).
My local John Lewis – Potential scene of “Mission Bull in a china shop”
So to John Lewis. They have a great all round Xmas shopping experience. Walk through the door, and there is chocolate, and rows and rows of great presents ranging from games, cushions, glass ware, china, fragile things, small fragile things, tall fragile things, badly balanced fragile things and well-meaning parents with loose assorted zig zagging children! To make it worse, the lift to the first floor is at the back of the building, and I want to see the home electricals upstairs! Arhh well twice the distance for danger! They should have most of the Venetian glass swept up by the time I get back down stairs.
I will be taking great care!!! If you see me, “a man with Matinée Idol looks” walking at the rate of a snail, please be patient. Else be prepared to face the wrath of my wife! You WILL, I promise you,………. regret it.
On to a serious point. I remain violently independent, but this week I have initiated Plan B!!!! Hold on what is Plan A Lee?
Plan A is to continue walking at all costs. However, Plan B consists of 3 parts
- Plan B.1 – Plan for future electric wheelchair.
- Plan B.2 – Have on hand trendy walking poles. I introduced you to these last week.
- Plan B.3 – this…………………
This is a Rollz Motion Mark 2
The Rollz is what’s known as a “rollator”. Yes most of you will have seen this sort of thing before. But being a style freak I wanted a trendy one, and one not made by British Leyland. For my American friends, British Leyland were a UK car manufacturer, whose quality control rather deteriorated in the 1970s and became synonymous with poor workmanship.
This is basically a walking aid (a mobile Zimmer frame).
So please stop me, and we can talk about the price of fish, and of course gossip about Mrs Jones at number 42 along with the comings and goings of her gardener after dark!!
But this rollator has a trick up its sleeves. It turns into a wheelchair!!!!
I need to give it a name, a Transformer type name. Any suggestions?
Acquiring such equipment, is a necessary form of planning which is probably the most difficult part of MND to cope with for me.
Like most things in life, I approach this in a very logical and calculated manner.
The biggest issue, by far, is “Is my home suitable for a disabled person?”
We live in a nice Victorian house.
So the answer is simply NO. But do we move? It’s not clear-cut. Would we regret it? Is it too early? So I have dropped back into my now legendary logical analysis…..
So here is the thought process …
- Life limiting disease...decision pending
- It takes time to move…decision pending
- We love our house…decision pending
- Do I want to spend time with Estate Agents! (***** No) – Decision made.
Having not dealt with estate agents for while, I was recently exposed again to their working practices when helping our son rent a flat via a letting agent.
However, they have helped me with a pricing model for my new painting and decorating business.
- Paint £25
- Labour £100
- Carrying paint from my van to front door – £80
- Carrying paint from front door to dining room – £75
- Parking van 2 streets away and inconvenience caused – £100
Oooh, I am nasty aren’t I readers?
I approach each day in turn, and see what it brings, but just have that next step planned, or at least in mind. Even after having acquired the “Orange Peril”, I won’t be rushing to use it. It’s in reserve!
“Why have it you say?” Well, I have started using feminine logic. You know those 421 pairs of shoes you have purchased? Are they all used? I am just doing the same.
My motto is to change as little as possible about my life, ie don’t bend to the disease demands. Now I fully appreciate that everyone is different, and it is a choice. All I am saying is; don’t rush into every change.
I haven’t got next week’s post planned yet, so if you have any subjects you would like me to waffle on about, please don’t hesitate to ask. Otherwise you might get a scientific one next!
So where is that dustpan and broom attachment for my Rollz?