What a beautiful smell!

Good afternoon all. Onein400 here again.

Last Friday we spent the evening away at friends, who have lovely smelling toilets! Paul and Nadine, I loved the Las Vegas feel of your downstairs loo, and the aroma of the candle certainly made for a welcoming visit every time!

Not sure, however, about the message you were sending me when you gave us this candle as a present on leaving! And also your comment to get it lit as soon as we got home!

Anyway, having the attendant was a nice touch as well. Perhaps he could stay outside the cubicle in future?

Thanks for a great night and stay, and Paul you are the king of “Cards against Humanity”. For those of you who haven’t played this game, I warn you, leave your sensibilities at the door! Put it this way, you know when you get TV programs like “Big Brother – UNCUT”? Well the ruder and more foul version of Cards against Humanity would still be called “Cards against Humanity!”

Anyway, on the subject of toilet humour, we are thinking about flying somewhere soon. Currently my aim is to get on a plane and flop into the seat! Of course there will be the essential moves to the loo, grasping at the tops of the seats to get me safely there. Question? With all the fuss about safety belts in your chair, why isn’t there a safety belt on the loo!? The consequences of a small bit of turbulence in there, are to be said, rather worrying.

To mask my embarrassment at walking badly, I am rather hoping for “extreme” turbulence, so that my motion is explainable and also why I might put my fist into an elderly Lady’s beetroot salad! In addition, extreme turbulence always makes for good entertainment watching those who hate flying.

I am going to tell the stewards this time about my voice, as this slurred excuse for a voice I now have, just makes me sound like a club 18/30 tourist smashed before take off! What’s even worse, is I don’t drink! These days when I am offered a drink, I just say

“Wust a pluane tonic wata wit wice, pease” (just a plain tonic water with ice please).

“Good idea sir, one does sound decidedly off his head currently!”

Well one would like to say, “Would one like to Cross Check the doors at 38,000 feet!”

Back here in old blighty, the sun has gone, so we all need these pills. Vitamin D, guys.

Travel is so different to the old days, when Jean and I used to rush around like scolded cats. Now it is plan, plan, plan. I am definitely using airport assistance now. Some of the distances you have to walk at Heathrow are crazy. I am sure you walk most of the way to New York through Terminal 3. When you walk past Central Park, your suspicions are raised. Airlines saving on fuel again!

Talking of old travels, Jean and I were discussing our drives to the French Alps for skiing when our son was young. These were the days before iPads, tablets etc. We used to take the kitchen sink then. We even took a TV. Not a small flat screen thing, they hadn’t been invented yet, but a full cathode ray tube thing!

The Olympics have started, and I heard an interesting discussion on Breakfast television about how the partners/wives/husbands of participants are now using sports psychologists to ensure they give the best support to their athletes. This may involve being trained what to say to them if away from home over the phone.

Personally, though, I am not sure that a 199% single-minded sportsman should be that affected. Jean certainly has not been trained in this sort of talk. I remember once being away from home, working in Florida. The work was tough going, and one day we had our usual evening call. On this occasion, Jean said “Oh and by the way, I had to put the cat down!” Jeesh, why whilst I was away! Admittedly he was in a bad way, but she could have, with training, said something like, “The cat is quiet, I think he has a cold. We will take him to the vets when you come back” And secretly she could have had him put down anyway.

Breaking news! We have just received these live pictures from Rio, Brazil, with Sir Bradley Bragg, the world famous cyclist, being woken up too early (time zone, dear!) following the opening ceremony.

We haven’t talked about music for a while. I like anything good, and strangely I currently like modern American Country music. It just sounds clean and makes you feel like you are sitting in bar with the good old gals and boys.

Actually, I was in a vinyl record store the other day when I came across this old LP (long player for you young ones, 33 1/3 rpm no less). Hank Bragg’s greatest hits. He was a rather unsuccessful country singer from Bognor Regis who always managed to upset the crowds. It was only £2.49, so I bought it. Apparently if it wasn’t signed it would be worth more!

Had my bi monthly MND nurse visit checking my respiration this week. A couple of tests are regularly carried out, FVC (forced vital capacity) and the Nasal SNIFF test. Both of these measure the effectiveness of respiration and are a good indicator of disease progression. I am pleased to report all ok currently. Doing these tests is rather like being at school. I always have to try ridiculously hard, as a bloke, and sniff until my ears pop!

It was ok once I got it in the right opening! Clear insertion instructions should be provided!

So still rocking, but now with exploded ears!

Had a bit of an issue with wasps in the kitchen today. Giant things attacking me.  What is their value to the planet! Really **** annoying when you trying to eat your muffin with honey and yogurt!

Same time next week guys.

And as I finish this post, summer has returned! Put those vitamin D pills away! And you know where you can stick that factor 50 sun screen?! Humm, perhaps that might have helped with my nasal sniff tests!