Afternoon all. Another week in onein400 land! Firstly, please don’t forget my surprise Christmas card reveal! Lord Bragg and two members of his wider family are fund-raising for the MNDA.

On Monday I woke up and was a bit concerned by my left knee! It looked a bit swollen and felt like there was a lot of fluid around it.

I hope I haven’t made you sick. Sorry if I have. Well, don’t worry. What I am about to tell you is only rated PG!

But before that, this…


Jean and I were cleaning out a music cupboard and were chucking away some music books. She left me a bunch to check before finally disposing of. Jeesh, they included the above. I saved them, but I also quietly slung away 5 pairs of Jean’s shoes in retaliation!

Back to my knee…

Remember, about one month ago, I fell over and landed on my knee? Well, it hasn’t affected my pirate walk, but the front of my knee has been a bit squishy to the touch (I can hear you puking now. Calm down for goodness sake!) It was only minor but was taking a bit of time to improve. I did a Dr Google search and it appeared that if I had done any real serious damage I wouldn’t be able to stand at all.

Anyway, last Thursday I was in the car, and as Jean had driven the day before, the seat had to be adjusted forward. Yes, I have short legs! However, I moved it just that bit too quickly, and nicely smashed my bad knee into the dashboard! “Oh darn it” I shouted. After 5 more minutes of extended swearing and scaring the local children on their way to school (it looked like Jean and I were having a domestic) I felt ok to proceed.

But by Monday, it appeared to be a lot more squishy, and when Jean looked at it, she said “Doctors!”

IMPORTANT best practice here, NOT A&E which stands for “accident and emergency”. This was really neither and I wasn’t going to block A&E with my knee. Mind you, some people visit when they can’t get their hair just right!

I did a further Dr Google search whilst Jean made a quick appointment for me. As an advanced Dr Google user, I have progressed from always getting a diagnosis of Ebola based on my symptoms to really quite excellent diagnoses. However, I did read a page of comments relating to someone with a very similar injury to mine. The first 6 comments were basically fluid on the knee cap (bursitis) and a couple of the guys had a needle injected to remove fluid and all was ok. But why, oh why, oh why is there always the doom patient? The very next comment was….

Mine was like that, so decided to wait a week. It then got bigger, and I decided to go to the docs. Apparently I was 1 day away from losing my leg!” – Jeesh!

Anyway, Jean was definitely up for me to have a needle in the knee. Sadist!

So off we went, Jean all excited about the prospect of goo emanating from my knee and me talking about the colour of leaves! Anything to distract me from the impending attack by the syringe killer.

We parked up, I checked in and within 5 minutes we were in the doc’s torture room. I then gave my Oscar-winning summary of said situation to doc, and whipped my trousers off! Well to be precise, slowly lowered them.

I said “Now look here doc, I have read Dr Google, and I know the answer, so no funny business“.

He felt my knee, rolled it around a bit, and then proclaimed “Yes just fluid on the knee,  a bit swollen, but let’s leave it for a couple of weeks. If I put a needle in now, there is always a chance of infection and your swelling is not big enough yet

Jean was distraught! No needle? “Darling, he’s a doctor, he’s right“.

We left, Jean more upset than me, having not got a story to tell her school students.

Talking of needles shall I tell you the story of an accident I had 20 years ago??? No I won’t, as you would definitely be violently sick. I will save it for onein400 UNCUT!

Also on Monday I had a home visit from a salesman! Don’t worry readers, he was invited. We are currently doing some future planning for my mobility reduction. After much analysis, we have concluded that we might install a through-floor lift as a solution to getting upstairs in the event of me not being able to climb stairs as opposed to major lower floor building. As a solution it does appear to more long-term (being optimistic) than a stair lift. So I am in the midst of getting quotations and reviewing technologies.

I must buy a copy of “Top lift” magazine but can’t find it in our newsagents! If anyone has experience of house lifts I would welcome any comments and advice as we progress.

I received the first quotation for the work on Wednesday. Interestingly enough these two were mentioned in the quotation under the Risk Assessment for the project. Deemed a risk for any workers on our property they were interviewed individually for the official form. I won’t mention my rabid wife or Black Widow spiders accidentally imported in a banana!


Two dogs on site and one cat (all friendly)

Here in the UK, it has gone real cold at night. Trips out involve quick movement from car to destination.

Some people might call me lazy, but one thing that is now happening is when Jean and I drive between places, and we need to stop off, perhaps to pick something up, I might stay in the car, whilst Jean pops in.  This week we were coming back from somewhere, when we passed a farm shop that Jean had been meaning to have a look at. So I said, “Let’s just drop in now“. Jean was driving and parked in front of this.


Although I am already missing the BBC TV Series the “Missing“, that concluded this week,  with its captivity scenes, I’d rather not look at this building! It does look like someone may be seriously held captive inside!

So I asked to Jean to repark.


Much nicer view, and I couldn’t hear the screams from the building over the sound of eating my Quavers. At least any captive would get wholesome farm food.

Just had another hydrotherapy session. A really great session. Jo, my physio noticed my knee.

What a big one!

Oh…. my knee yes!  I wanna tell you a story…...”

Same time next week readers.