A mysterious creature emerges. At first the searing light scorches his bright blue, yet strangely attractive and alluring, eyes. Slowly, and surely, he soon adapts to the wondrous air. If it weren’t for that frigging stray house brick tripping his rollator he would have made a perfect exit! Nil points, Royaume-Uni! For those who don’t get that, that’s Eurovision Song Contest language for United Kingdom!

It is late April 2021, and the return to wandering completely aimlessly about shops and coffee houses has resumed for the masses. Perhaps, just perhaps, some return to normal life is actually happening. Today I review the body of evidence. Of course, this is as seen from the view of Onein300 land! A report now follows of 2 days ‘extreme’ adventures to raise your confidence.

Day 1

Venturing out from the bunker, I notice how the world has changed. As we sweep past our old bank branch I notice that it had been converted into a Dominos Pizza takeaway! I peer inside from the comfort of our car travelling though the post pandemic hinterland. Suddenly, I spy the old office area, where I once met our bank manager to request mortgages and loans. It had now become a pizza assembly station! To be precise, the sauce and cheese spreading area! Sigh! A financial manager’s life crushed into totals and utter insignificance by mozzarella.

After a short stop, we have an appointment in a location which involves a turn into a very narrow turn on a private road. However, today we didn’t recognise the road and sailed quickly past the entrance! Why did this happen? Well, someone had only gone and chopped down a tree, which was clearly how we used to recognise the turn!

Who removed the tree? The idiots!

But isn’t it an interesting notion that our visual recognition in daily life is perhaps more dependent on memory than we thought?

But enough of that thoughtful and brain visualisation tosh, Lee! Back to the review of lockdown easing. We return home, but only after after a masked raid on Marks and Spencer’s. Hand over your aubergines!

Day 2

Regular body preening and maintenance appointments have started to reappear. Yes hair cuts were of course number 1, but a close second were my first blood tests done for over a year. I have a couple I really need to do. Worry not, readers. If anything had happened during lockdown, I would have got a physiological indication anyway! With the benefits of covid vaccinations under my hat and on the receipt of a reminder from my GP surgery, I was ready to reinstate.

Being now a fully professional medical expert, I use all the terms that I have learnt from watching such high brow scientific programs as “Holby City” and “A&E After Dark”! Today, the phlebotomist asks me to confirm the tests I require…

Hi Nursey! Just stick it in the arm. I need U+Es, Lipids, LFTS and an episiotomy,


She looked at me inquisitively with a rather bemused smile (hidden, of course, under a mask).

Just get on on with it, gal, I haven’t got all day!

I don’t think she knew quite what she was doing! She should do some googling on the interweb instead of all that extensive formal nonsense nursing training malarkey!

Anyway, after safely returning home, albeit with a slightly sore and stingy perineum, all was good. And the blood test results were all hunky dory!

It’s time for an official Onein300 apparently completely random section!

Half way down the stairs is a stair where I sit. There isn’t any other stair quite like it.
I’m not at the bottom and I am not at the top, so this is the stair where I always stop.

Has Onein300 gone mad. What’s he on about now!?

Well although I talk about wandering aimlessly about, one thing that has percolated my daily being is precision!

I wrote about precision some while ago. Take stairs, for example. I can still walk up them if there are decent hand rails. But boy, it has to be precision work. It is precise in where I place my hands, stride and balance. Once half way up, there’s no turning around! If I forget something and need to return, I have to go all the way up, enter the bedroom, and furniture walk the reverse route!

It must be horrific, and yet rather amusing, to watch as I do the same long winded exercise to get the skimmed milk and juice out of the fridge, twice!

So in conclusion, readers, what is onein300’s assessment of venturing out?

I would judge the situation as code Amber. Do it, but be careful! I will leave any final decision to you and you alone but we all have to take some element of risk. I will, however, sign off today with a cautionary story of horror to guide you.

Dah dah dah!!

The moral of this tale, is that there is always someone watching!!

A relative of ours decided one sunny day to let free with her already dubious inhibitions. On her remote, secluded cliff top residence she decided to take the opportunity to sun bathe naked. Having been stressed and working very hard, she thought hey why not just hang loose and relax properly.

No one could have predicted, however, the flyover of the regional microlight display team, circling!!

No one knows if they all got back to the take off field safely, but they certainly didn’t expect to see those contours on their visual navigational challenge!

The risk was worth taking and the circulation of ‘Microlight Photographer’s Monthly’ peaked that month!