….in your pocket or are you just pleased to see me! Boom boom! The old jokes are the best! But, as always there is a link to my blog theme. My cover picture shows you how scattered my mind has been this week and gives an insight into the twilight world that is ONEIN400, ha, ha, wooooh,  woooh!!

The subject of “What’s in your shorts?” came up when I was discussing moving around the house the other day with my good friend and fellow MND target, Stuart. We met for coffee and a very nice chicken sandwich at Goodwood, where we look like a right pair of idiots with our swaggering walking and my speaking issues!

“We are normal everyone! We don’t watch Love Island!”

The subject of carrying stuff came up. MND is insidious.

“Lee what does that mean, sounds creepy!?”

Well yes that is exactly what I mean, it creeps like a Lion stalking its prey, relentlessly. Some of it you don’t notice, it just happens. In the 19th Century the disease was often referred to as the Creeping Paralysis. But enough of that! Back to the story…

I just mentioned how I carry items up and down the stairs at home and Stuart retorted:

“What! I put those things in my pants now!”

And he is so right! Not using every part of your body, that is still working, to ensure your balance is just plain bad practice. I might now put my phone in my underpants! Jean is now very wary whenever I bring her something from the kitchen downstairs.

“Jean, fancy a chocolate digestive darling?”

“Errrr, no thank you”

Well, all the more for me!

Just the other day I needed to get some coat hangers (4 of) downstairs from the bedroom. Jeesh, what a challenge. I can’t hold them and putting them down the front of my trousers was impossible (no space there!). So I stuffed the ends into the back pockets of my jeans. I then proceeded down the stairs, both hands clinging to the banisters, hoping not to fall with said pieces of plastic being shoved up my arse! I made it!

Last weekend I went out shopping with Jean for the first time in a while. Rollator heaven! A bit different to how it used to be. Now, I typically don’t roam around aimlessly through 12 isles of a clothes shop, back and forth with no reason! I leave that all to Jean!

For the really speedy stuff (sarcastic alert), like shoe shopping, I am deposited in a coffee bar with a sandwich, coffee and a toy! All I have to do is enjoy the people watching and frighten the odd person off.

“Is this chair free?”

“NO! Twis is my wiffs” – spitting half my sandwich into the daring intruder’s face!

Talking about “whiffs” Lord Bragg has a great new range of foods available directly responding to the Use by date ongoing debate and food wastage.

It’s called Bragg’s – “Give it a whiff” range.

If in doubt have a whiff.

1) If it whiffs real bad! – chuck

2) A slight whiff – cook for the dogs!

3) No whiff – dinner party!

What a guy! Common sense from the Lord!

I have been out on my trike a fair bit, but recently the rain has started to annoy me. If I were Prime Minister I would jail anyone who says “It was just too hot last week!” Grhhh! I often cycle whilst Jean walks the dogs with me. The other day we were passing the church, after the Sunday service, when, pardon my words, the Vicar shot out in his car like a bat out of hell! He nearly ploughed over Jean!

Next, this week I bring you another exciting new section in onein400’s blog fittingly named:

Now that’s a handy invention!

In this edition, two items.

1) Pay at Pump!

2) Digital music/streaming.

Pay at pump. Wow, how cool! I was recently assessed for my driving ability, as you know, and I was granted permission to continue. However, it’s the things often associated with driving that can cause me issues. For example, the filling up and potential walk to the till at fuel stations that gives me the creeps now. I don’t really want to fall on petrol doused concrete whilst Jake the biker strikes up another ciggy!

With pay at pump, I just get out of the car, hold onto the roof, slip credit card in and fill up. Finish, get in car! I actually reckon I could do it without getting out of the car! Window down, stretch etc! Might look at bit odd! All I need is a Maltesers dispenser next to the pump and I’m in heaven!

And now digital/streaming music.

When I was young it was baskets of cassette tapes in the car, and then CDs. What a mess, having to grab loads of CDs etc and drag them to the car. Now of course, it’s all on my phone.

I do have a CD player in my car, but it’s so underused. I put a CD in it on day 1 of getting the car, and that very same CD is still in the player today! The wonderful late Robert Palmer.

It does remind me of that mega cool singer Robert Bragg, and his first album, “Bragg Moves“. A rather self assured singer, who came up with a dastardly trick with this album. It was made of a very special plastic that slightly expanded on the very first play. This resulted in the CD being permanently stuck in any player that it was put in! Thus condemning the owners to a lifetime of listening to Robert Bragg! Typical Bragg, but what a guy!

Finally this week, my motto for the month.

Don’t compromise.

It means a lot. A silly example is a good quality music system, amp and speakers! No one talks about these things today, but a good one portrays music in such a different light. Buy/attain the best you can get/afford in life. I have a rather old Mission amp, but the sound is exquisite.

Oh, I nearly forgot, I have made yet another mobility purchase! Hopefully it will arrive next week from overseas, and can’t be purchased here in the UK. In fact Lord Bragg is looking to get the UK distribution rights! You can only now imagine what this real life article is now, can’t you!?

Until next week readers!